Age of The Nerd
Our prayers have been answered, Ageists (or at least mine have)! Our installment begins with Lucy Lawless’ as-of-yet unnamed stalker in full boss mode, tearing down the Highway to Hell with the Hemi engine rolling.
We see her pull in to Kelly’s now abandoned homestead with Ash’s mislaid crosses in full view. It seems that she is too late to get a piece of the action. Or is she? As she surveys the scene, the mound where Kelly’s Dad has been planted comes to life (so to speak). Daddy Dear has gotten a Deadite make-over and seems to know exactly who our mysterious stalker is, taunting her that she’s always one step behind.
Naturally, it’s the wrong move… Lawless goes double MMA on his Deadite behind, putting the cross behind her to good use by impaling him on it. Deadite Dad gets his Ronda Rousey v. Holly Holm impression on.
Lawless says that she can make his present suffering even worse. She then proves this by pulling out a mysterious, rune encrusted black knife. One slice to Deadite Dad’s face and he begins smoking in the worst way. Namely, without cigarettes…
Let’s be clear, gentle folk. Whoever Lawless’ character is, she doesn’t play. And shares something common with Paul Hogan when it comes to knife selections.
Meanwhile, back at the bookstore, Ash and his compadres have reached the soon-to-be popular location. Pablo is eager to get in on the metaphysical low down, but Ash reiterates he is a lone wolf when it comes to taking down the Evil Dead. In shortsighted Ash fashion he councils Pablo and Kelly to hang tight while he wraps this up. The Churro line plays funnier than the previews as Ash makes his way inside.
Behind the beads, Ash reunites with Lionel (Kelson Hawkins) who consulted on a translation request several years before. Also inside is a non-plused Det. Fisher, who is just wrapping her interrogation of the bookstore owner. Her eyes linger on Ash’s chiseled chin. She’s seen that square head somewhere before.
As she heads outside, she gives a call in to HQ. Now, of course, she’s off the case (what else happens to cops in horror shows?) but she sweet talks the desk office into sending her the composite sketch from the trailer park killings. Bingo, she has her man.
Inside, Lionel is orgasmic about getting his hands on the actual Necronomicon. And if you spent all your days re-shelving Manly P. Hall and Carlos Casteneda books, you might get creamy too…
He can’t wait to take the Book of the Dead for spin. Ash is cool with that as long as he gets the spell that will end this edition of the Deadite Plague.
Outside, Pablo and Kelly see Det. Fisher gearing up to take down Ash. They figure that this is their invite to party time.
Just as everything seems groovy for Ash and Lionel, Det. Fisher busts in with gun drawn and tells our hero he’s under arrest. That goes to order until Pablo bonks her on the head with a left over bone. Out goes the lights. Ash cleans up by using her handcuffs to cuff her to a heating pipe and leaves Kelly in charge of her.
The trio hustles to the basement where Lionel relates some of the books history to Pablo. It seems that the book serves as an ancient bridge to the Netherworld, written by an appropriately spooky group of elder beings at the Dawn of Time. In true Lovecraftian fashion, the mysterious language in the tome allows contact with demons, devils and other bad actors.
Lionel settles on the idea of conjuring up a minor demon know as Eligos. It seems that this baddie has enough info to help, but not enough to threaten them. All they have to do is keep him within the center of the summoning pentagram and not break the lines. Besides in the book drawing, this Eligos looks like a Ghostbusters reject. Pablo rightfully has doubts while Ash is full speed ahead.
Upstairs, Det. Fisher recovers enough to do some textbook reverse psychology on Kelly, trying to convince her that Ash is somehow a danger to all them. Given her short period of association with Ash, she wants to given him the benefit of the doubt, but…
In the basement, Lionel draws the precision figure and summons Eligos, who’s look is right out of the Clive Barker playbook. Ash mutters he needs to update his profile picture. While speaking to the creature, he gives a cryptic comment that the answer reversing the curse lies “within the man.” Before more light can be shed on the issue, however, like clockwork, Ash manages to erase the lines of the circle setting Eligos free.
CGI goofiness abounds as the being starts to kill off brain cells in our Dumb-Namic Duo. When Lionel tries to get the whole thing under control, he gets multiple glass shanks for his trouble. Kelly and Fisher interfere just enough to cap Eligos in the side of the head. He vanishes in a puff, leaving a dead bookstore owner and more questions than answers.
Det. Fisher again makes an unsuccessful attempt to arrest Ash and ends up cuffed again. The trio escapes to Ash’s Buick, trying to make sense of Eligos words. Pablo offers up the idea that his aforementioned Brujo uncle might have enough mystical insight to help them control the book. Ash decides that his lone wolfing days are behind him and that he needs to take Pablo’s council..
I‘d be touched if it wasn’t Ash delivering the speech. More mayhem is sure to follow.
As for Det. Fisher, our episode ends with her seeing a certain pincushioned bookstore owner rising from the dead…
Okay, Ageists, we’ve got Lucy in the Car with Deadites. A good development. And Pablo and Kelly are becoming more useful and less stupid. That’s good too. Jill Marie Jones’ Det. Fisher is a walking cliche, but she’ll snap out of it, I hope. This particular script was pretty predictable, but hey, we gotta do some backstory, right?
27% through this season and my hopes for this show are undimmed… Let’s see where the Buick ride to Damnation takes us next week.
